Answer: Of course, yes, absolutely!
Would I do it again? Of course, yes, absolutely! But this time with my eyes wide open.
Project Bonus Kid was an interesting experience for our household, and I think everyone has been changed for the better. Ten months we gave refuge to a kid, who for reasons still not clear, was left behind. One parent went out of state to care for an elderly family member, the other parent has never been involved. Like any new relationship, it brought with it promise of freshness and new beginnings. And like most relationships, over time it became stale and sometimes stinky. I am trying to be politically correct here, so as not to slander or implicate said teenager. At some point, most teenagers are stinky. Even my own. One main difference, my own stinky teenager usually knows when he stinks, and then does something about it (such as jump in the pool, take a bath, or spray some Axe on said stinky teenager). Many options in various degrees of simplicity are available for correcting the stinky problem. How to you tell Bonus Kid to clean up? There are only so many ways to hint at the problem, carefully, not to crush the poor kid's spirit. (Yes, he has one, even if he doesn't believe so). For instance, at dinner, one might say to Bonus Kid, "Ahem, I think it's time for a shower." At which Bonus Kid could respond with, "I took one last night." Bonus Kid is the size of a full grown man, and really could use two showers per day. Or at least one shower plus one jump in the pool. The smell of chlorinated water is still better than Teenage Stinky Smell. But when it's your own kid, it's more tolerable. It's like when the boys were in diapers. I really didn't mind changing my own baby's diapers, but someone else's baby? Sure, they are cute and all, and I will hold and play with them, even bottle-feed them, burp them and wipe their spit-up and put them to sleep. But another baby's diapers? Sorry, that's on you. Back to Bonus Kid, to his credit, once he actually got in the shower, he made up for the negligence. It takes time to get clean, I know, but forty-five minutes is a tad overboard. I didn't mind, tho, because I was so happy the problem was being addressed, at least for the time-being. And afterwards, Bonus Kid smelled fantastically clean and looked sharp! It just didn't happen often enough!
Bonus Kid looked like he was my own kid, with blond hair, blue eyes and fair skin. He had the musical talent that my own boys have. Talent which he still doesn't know he possesses. I still wonder how great he would become on the bari-sax if he actually practices. He is so confident playing the bari-sax, that one time he performed without a mouthpiece. He left it at home, and during warm-ups the director walked through the sax section, right in front of Bonus Kid, who had no mouthpiece. He played the part, pretending like he was playing, and had only the cover of the mouthpiece. I believe the director knew this, but gave the kid a break because of the 'situation.' As much as the director is a perfectionist and demands the best of his students, I am sure the director knew that Bonus Kid had no mouthpiece, and let it go. Choose your battles, right? That is the philosophy I often parent with.
Bonus Kid fit right into our family in many ways, such as his sense of humor! Bonus Kid and my husband could crack up at nothing, with just a look shared between them. Brothers from another mother, separated at birth. They both excel at grocery shopping, and BK went with my husband which was a big help. BK also excels at cooking, and he wants to be a chef. Bonus Kid taught me how to make German Potato Salad. He made great Chop-Suey. But he didn't clean up after himself. Which I didn't mind so much, because he was cooking, contributing to the household. Still, I reminded him that the best chef has to start with dish-washing. When he was only cooking for himself, or snacking, and didn't clean his dishes, or even take them to the sink, well, yes that bothered me. Greatly. Disturbed me to no end. Caked-on pizza rolls residue, dried-up fruit juice in a glass, overnight and day-old cereal bowls in his room, soda cans tipped over and not cleaned up, ruined carpet. Choose your battles? Oh, right. I forgot. Bonus Kid got the blue-ribbon for eating, however. And for this, I miss him. Especially on Sundays.
One way BK did not fit into our family was in school work. BK is very smart, honestly maybe too smart for high school. He is smart with street-sense and life's hard-knocks. His outlook on homework, however, was not smart. Why should he do this stupid stuff when he already knows xyz? ("Just do it, if you already know it, it won't take you long to do it! Turn it in, done! I can stop nagging you to do it!") I chose to fight that battle, and I didn't win. But you know what, neither did BK. No one won. I advocated for extra-credit with a couple of his teacher's, and he didn't do it. That was the decision-making point. I can't care more for his grades than he does. Done, over, move on. And yet, I miss him, especially on Sundays.
Many involved in my life have often said, "He will thank you when he is older." "You did what you could." "You went beyond the call of duty." I respond to them, "You would do the same, if a kid asks you to live with them." Just a bit of perspective here, remember that a teenager is much more difficult to train than a puppy!
Very well thought out, but yes some time "the best is all you can do"...what ever choices is made by BK will be his choice, and the results...Have often felt that way about our family...we live the choices we make, and I am so thankful for the results every which way. We as parents can only do our best, at the time. Wither we receive thanks or not is not really important to any one but our selves, and thanks come in surprising way often. Remember often what Lori said to me once, she remembers (even though I did not) some things I said to her once that helped her deal with some family things, and told me thanks! That was a pleasant surprise.
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